All i have to say

Psalms 23

2012-01-30T09:15:00.000-08:00

It is a very very long time since I post anything on this blog. Maybe I just needed somewhere to share my thoughts. A little tired to write in down. This is the verses that came across my mind after today. Indeed Psalms 23:1 "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want". With the Lord as my shepherd that is all I need! May I remember this lesson. Remember my shepherd, the Creator, My Lord. 

Psalms 23

The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
3 He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.

⁴Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

⁵You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
⁶Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell^[a] in the house of the Lord
Forever.

Trial

2010-10-20T20:35:00.000-07:00

I must say that I may face the greatest trial this year very soon. It is not that i am not aware of it, it is just that I realise I am not the only one that is affected by it.

I know this may sound weird, but my greatest hurdle i need to overcome is not my A levels that starts on 9th Nov. For the past few weeks I have been very focus in my revision for A levels, and did not realise how fast time has past. The month of November is so close, and I know I have to make a stand very soon. A stand that may strain my relationship with my love ones, a stand that my brothers will feel uncomfortable in agreeing, a stand that may lead to a certain amount of disappointed and sadness. Even so, I am still going to make this stand. I am very worried that all my assumed outcomes will happen, but I believe and trust in the way of the Lord. I will to be in the light and direct them to the light.
The Lord has let me and my brothers enjoy a little sweet taste of how being together as a family feels like. I want to hold on to it! Yet, I know I should not compromise. I need a lot of strength, courage and support. I will trust in the Lord, I hope that my mum will understand. It is hard to put aside all the anxiety and worries, but I know I have to.

Thank you Lord. And please keep this family together, and please anoint my lips with the right words to say.

Challenging Week ahead.

2010-06-13T18:42:00.000-07:00

Thank God that he allowed me to go for church camp this year. I was hesitating in the beginning, i know the decision made to continue with the camp is all guided by him. My mum gave me her trust that i can manage my studies and time. I don't know what my Dad is thinking, but then i know he feels that I had made a wrong decision. Well, this decision may seem wrong to some of my friends and seniors, but in any case, this decision is guided by his presence and I trust him. Starting from today is a challenging week. I have to manage both my studies on school work and the Bible. I know God will guide me through. At the same time I must not forget that I am retaking A level this year. Haha seriously, he have not opened any doors for university entries for me, but I am surviving in my studies now. I am still anticipating for an answer from him. I think I will know it sooner or later. =P

The difference

2010-06-11T20:46:00.000-07:00

I got up early one morning, and rushed right into the day:

I had so much to accomplish that I didn't have time to pray.

Problems just tubled about me, and heavier came each task.

Why doesn't God help me?" I wondered.

He answered, "You didn't ask".

I wanted to see joy and beauty, but the day toiled on, gray and bleak:

I wondered why god didn't show me.

He said, But you didnt' seek".

I tried to come into God's presence:

I used all my keys at the lock.

God gently and lovingly chided.

"My child, you didn't knock".

I woke up ealry this morning, and paused before entering the day:

I had so much to accomplish that I had to take time to pray.

Not going right??

2010-05-20T04:49:00.000-07:00

Well did not receive the Uni reply that i hope to receive, and did not do well for my maths test today. After that i really feel that nothing is going right. Again, I start to feel stress and disappointed with myself. Today I see a reflection of how i was last year. Terrified and missed out points of the question. I must not make the same mistake again. From this test I do realise that i have not consolidate my skills in stats maybe its time to do some practice on that. No matter what stay calm and move on. This time I am aiming for excellence.

Double Attack!

2010-05-18T07:21:00.000-07:00

Double attack!!! Stress in JC plus receive rejection letter from the to universities. When I receive the second rejection letter, the impact is not as hard as the first one, but i am still affected by it. I dunno why, but my heart felt empty and heavy....Haha i do not know how to describe that feeling but it seems like A lvls is the only door left for me. SO VIVIAN STOP PONDERING ABOUT IT AND START FOCUSING ON THE THINGS YOU SHOULD FOCUS!

Assurance

2010-05-05T07:14:00.000-07:00

Can someone just assure me that my decision is alright. It will not make a big impact on my grades and future! Everything will turn out fine? Yes....I worry I doubt....but i am only a human....I cannot assure the future. I can only place my faith and trust on the one that gave me strength and knowledge. I will just do my best and manage my time!

Deliberate

2010-04-13T02:06:00.000-07:00

Now, i went back to JC and taking my second attempt for A levels. Haha and today's talk by the principle hit me real hard. I do not know if it is an effective propaganda or what, but it really motivates us in a good way.

After the release of A level results, our principle had many meetings and contact time with the staff. With the help of the teachers, she also manage to obtain comments about the top and bottom 20 students in the cohort last year and drew some conclusion about the cohort last year. Not only that she call in students who are currently studying in school this year and ask them some questions. I believed that she classified the students in the school into a few types of people and i fall into this group of students perfectly. That is super hardworking and grades are in a mess! The principle shared with us her chat with a student.

Principle: How do you study?

Student: Read notes, draw mind-maps and practice questions and let the teacher to mark.

Principle: Did you got an A for the assignment?

Student: No.

Principle: If it was the case that we give you the resources, the notes and the questions going to be tested, and give you twice the amount of time for you to study before the test. Are you confident of getting an A?

Apparently, the student said no.

She is hardworking, she has the discipline to do work and puts in all the time to make her studies rite. Yet, she cannot see her A? Why? Surprising the principle did not touch on confidence, but the word deliberate. There is really such thing as you study in the wrong way, and this is very dangerous when you are competing against time. Worst thing is that the student study the wrong way and yet do not want to change, as you are afraid the change will make it worse. So just use the method that you are most comfortable in and believe that it will allow you to succeed even though the results has shown otherwise. There is a student in school, she is the only person who is taking that subject. She has no teachers in school only notes. Yet she is doing very well in that subject and knows the syllabus even better than the staffs in school. How? Cos she deliberately make sure that she understand her syllabus well. Why aren't the hardworking ones not achieving the grades? Cos they merely read the notes and expect to understand through blind practices, expect teachers to tell them where are the common mistakes made, what are the things to take note. We expect too much, work too much at the wrong things. In the beginning the focus is wrong so how can we hit the bullseye??

Today's talk really hit me real hard, am i still going to expect this and that and blindly practice and read? Do you had the same problem as me? I had a deeper thought that this not only apply to me now, but in the future as well. Are you going to be the one that was given the answer but throw it at the back of your head cos you expect someone to hit you with the answer again? Are you going to be the one absorbing knowledge or fed? What is the true skill of learning? Absorb, analyse and think, or expect, wait and be fed?

Changes

2010-03-15T08:56:00.000-07:00

As time pass, my decision changed. I have appealed to go back school to retake A lvls as well as applying for Uni admission. The days ahead will be tough, but i know this is the best way for me. I do not know where did I get back the confidence to retake A levels again, or maybe is the situation that brought me to this decision. Whatsoever the reason is, I have made my chioce and I will do my best in everything.

I did not only made changes to my decision, I had made changes to my looks as well! I cut my hair, change my specs, and i don't really like my specs, i think is too funky for me! Oh no....

decision

2010-03-09T09:05:00.000-08:00

I will not go to polytechnic now just to fight to get in to a government university. It will take another 6 years for me to get there. What for? I will only go to polytechnic now, when i decided not to get into a university. That will only take me 3 years to complete my education. Initially, i just wanted find the quickest way to be a Uni grad and complete my education. Yes, I failed, so now what? Retake?? try again?? can I do it or not?

Decided

2010-03-07T06:47:00.000-08:00

I have made my decision, I trust that God had already prepare a place for my in University, so I will move on and not stuck here. So now trying to check out the courses, and brush up my general knowledge, if I really do have a chance to take the English test in Uni, I must do well to show my potential. Yar so JIA YOU!

I cut my hair, and I think I look boyish.... NO~

Parents Love

2010-03-07T02:16:00.000-08:00

Well, haha felt that i am really foolish. As parents, having a filial children by their side, is a privilege. However to parents, allowing their children to be happy and healthy is their responsibility. Frankly speaking, all along i study for my parents, I study because i want my parents to leave a better life soon. I went in to JC so that my family will have a Uni Grad. It is now, then i have the enlightenment that my mindset is wrong. This 2years, many people saw me carrying worries and burdens when i am studying. I thought i was focus but i was not. Because my eyes is always looking out for others and not myself. I neglected myself, therefore I am so engross with the problems of the people around me. No matter how focus I am, how much effort i put in, I cannot perform, for my mind is too occupied. My actions did not do any good to my parents, for I will only let them feel that they are a failure. Failure in providing happiness to me, and I thought that studying for them will be much better than doing for myself. Today i had a chat with my mum, she told me to study for myself. Both of my parents gave up their studies due to family conditions, and they gave up their studies for family. Now, as their daughter they want me to study for myself. Ha...Funny, this question came up when my mum tell me this. How? How do I study because I want to study, or because this is what I want. Then i realize, for 6 years of my life I have never live for myself. For the past 2 years when my mother realize this, she felt troubled about it.

Therefore, I was wrong, to them having filial children is a privilege, but due to their love towards us, they hope to allow their children to stay happy and healthy, to be what they want to be. This is their source of real happiness. Of course as children, we would want parents to suffer less, but have I ask what they actually want? I'm glad, no not only glad but fortunate to have such parents by my side. God place them in my life, is the greatest gift he had gave me. Thank you.

Don't know what is my next step

2010-03-06T10:30:00.000-08:00

Yes i got my results yesterday, but i do not have the guts to face it at all. For now, I know that chances in going to local University is slim, or maybe impossible. Some of my friends have already decided to retake A level. However I really do not want to retake, cos i know I do not have the mental strength to do so. My parents advice me to try out local Uni before trying out the private Uni. I think they are worried that if I enter private Uni the certificate is not as recognise as local uni.
Should I just trust God as he has already prepared a place for me in Uni.
Or should I take on A levels again.
I dun know....
Yes I am scared...very scared....I need more strength to go on...

2 weeks time

2010-02-19T01:24:00.000-08:00

Yesterday went for interview for the Youth Olympics part time job. I felt lousy after that cos, the person before me stayed in the room longer than me. Well, I just got a feeling that i won't be able to get the job. They say they will inform me in two weeks time, which is the week that i will receive my A level results! As that day is drawing nearer, i am more and more worried about my results. I know there is no use worrying now, what was done is done, now i just have to prepare for the worse and hope for the best. No matter what results i get, i will not shed a tear, for i know i gave my all for it. My effort is there, i know that my performance isn't but at the least i should have the courage to accept and face what is to come. Only through this i will have the strength to move on to the next stage of life.

Things are only getting started

2010-02-10T06:24:00.001-08:00

Today after work i went for prayer meeting, and on the way back home i was reading watchman nee's "Living Sacrifice". I was on the train, when i got an empty sit, i sat down and continue reading. But there is one guy beside me, keep bending forward and looking at something. I wasn't sure what he was looking, I just find him quite weird. Then suddenly he ask me if i was doing Bible study. It was then i realise what he was looking at, he was trying to see what i was reading. Of course i replied that i was just reading for self study or something. And he said "Interesting". I was thinking ok...but why is it interesting.... Just like this we continued to chat on the train. There is one question he ask me, which made me felt a little uneasy. He said when people follow the Lord correctly they will receive the Holy Spirit, and we worship the Lord through the Holy Spirit he also shared that he feel the Holy Spirit. I thought that once we believe in Jesus as our Saviour we will receive the Holy Spirit? Or is this my misconception. When the uncle asked me if i have receive the Holy Spirit, i wanted to say yes but i held back and ask him, how do you know that you feel the Holy Spirit in you. He gave an example from his church that the people who believe and baptize receive the Holy Spirit 100%. They are able to speak in tongues which is the spiritual gift from God. Question marks..... But not every one who receives the Holy spirit will have this spiritual gift rite.....

I think i had the chance to meet the uncle, is under God's plan, I felt burdened about somethings in my walk with God. I really need some enlightenment. Even though my answer has not yet come, but i know God had plan everything out to tell me the answer. I was quite upset that i did not have the confidence to say yes the Holy Spirit is in me, if the holy spirit is not in me how could I have experience God. I know that i have experience God in my life, i should not have held back. After i was baptize, there is a change in me, and that is i felt as if i am a new believer, a fresh follower of God. Still feeding on infant food, still at square one. Even though i experience many things as a Christian. It seems like my real journey with God has just only started.

Priorities

2010-02-06T08:55:00.000-08:00

Today i realize priorities in life is really important. It is not as simple as goal setting, but priorities affects or maybe show the way we think and how do we react to situations. So when we set our priorities, at the same time priorities also sets us. No wonder people always emphasize that we must set our priorities right. As it not only can allow us to reach the goal of life, but it also alters who we are, what we do and how we think. On the other hand, there is no answer towards whether the priorities we set is right or wrong, the thing is that priorities sets our life as well, so it is how you want to life your live.

It is hard but i hope that one day God is above all my priorities.

Breakfast!

2010-02-04T20:48:00.000-08:00

Haha first time buy breakfast and eat it during office hour!

Feeling is so weird...everyone working and i am still eating breakfast??

But then without brekfast i also cannot really do work lar....=P

BAPTISED!

2010-01-17T08:00:00.000-08:00

Haha yup today 17th Jan 10', I got baptized! I waited for so many years for this day to come, is as if like a dream come true. After baptism, as what the uncles say, nothing magical or special occur, but when i was attending the breaking of bread service today, the songs and the prayer feels so close, is like i understood a deeper meaning in the songs i sung today. I have been in this Christian walk for many years, went through things that made me feel so lost and tired. However after today i got a feeling that my journey with God has only just started. Why is this so, maybe this is what it means that if we are not baptize we are like Christian secretly, not recognize by the world as God's people.

My friends and family today address me as a new Vivian, haha feel weird hearing it, but it is true, people address me like this as they too recognize as a Vivian born again in Christ.

Come to think of it, I was quite glad that some of my friends thought that i was baptize long time ago. Also my family and friends came to church too! haha ok i am happy with everything today! However, the road ahead maybe smooth and straight, it can also be rough and filled with turning point. No matter what, i pray that got will guide me through all trials, give me strength to stay close to him. And that everything will go well according to his plan. =P

Change

2010-01-10T07:08:00.000-08:00

After my school life, it is really different, i feel that now i am really experiencing what the world is all about. When i was still schooling, everyone in the school had similar goals, that is too score well for the major exams. After this, we are moving forward to different short term goals that changes the perspective of each and every one of us. For all these years i have played a role as a student in the education sector, felt uncomfortable to the changes of perspectives. People are going into trends without knowing the purpose of their actions. I do not know why but maybe one day i may not be able to blend in to this world.

I will be getting baptize this coming Sunday, i was glad that my mum finally gave the green light for my baptism. Even though she wasn't a Christian, but i still thank God to place me in this family, I went through many struggles in my Christian walk with God. It was not easy to hold on to this faith i must say. In any case, i am glad that my mother is not one who totally objects the idea of Christianity. Thank God.

My Thoughts

2009-12-24T08:49:00.000-08:00

HO HO HO Merry Christmas!!!~
I know some may say i think too much, some may so i am too stressed up. But well at this stage of my life, i start to reaccess how i am living my life. The Lord have also triggered many stuffs at one go. Hmm... well no matter what I will just pray about it, some day or somehow, i will know how to handle, for now just stay joyous as always!
SMILE!!! =D

Under God's Plan?

2009-12-16T01:30:00.001-08:00

Now i am in Furama Hotel! Not exactly to enjoy but i am here 16th CCS. I must say God really has plans for you, even though i have missed the dateline for registration for this CCS, but then i was still able to help as part time. Yesterday I got a call from my church friend who told me that there is a spare room in the hotel, and now i not only help out in the CCS but i could also attend all the messages without worrying about transport! I just want to Thank God for the plans that he has for me. =D

In additional, i just got a call from recruit express, they told me that personnel from NUH will be calling me up for interview. Hope that i will get the job and dun clash with CCS and thanksgiving prep please! =P

2009-12-12T09:58:00.000-08:00

Well, today not only that i am not satisfied with my designs, but i even have a small argument with my brother. My brother is now working as a promoter, things are not going very smoothly for him. He words was totally sarcastic after work, and my tolerance level was low today. I couldn't take his sarcasm at all, I do not know what is wrong with me, but his words made me feel as if i am a person with knows nothing at all, always making grieve mistakes, and there is lots of room for improvement in order to survive in this world. In another words make me feel that i am useless. Whatever the case is, my tolerance level should have been higher, cos i really make stupid mistakes. What his say is rite, I have loads of things to learn, but everybody in this world have many things to learn as well. It is just depends on what do you want to learn. My brother thinks that finding a part time job at the same time learning some skills that i want to attain is a naive thinking. If we just work for money, yes we may be able to learn some other skills at the same time, but the focus and purpose is on the money in the first place, how enjoyable can your work be? Or maybe i should just face reality, work, get the money and go.

moving on!

2009-12-09T21:03:00.001-08:00

YES!!! A levels is finally over, haha but actually have not really had a good rest after that, but indeed i had a lot of fun! Now settling things down and trying to get some idea on how to start designing the Christmas e-card. While hope that i can get my inspiration soon from my exploration today! =D

Struggling

2009-10-21T02:37:00.000-07:00

It feels super scary, i don't feel ready man.

There is around two more weeks left, oh my A lvl is starting. It is super fast man, i now i am super stress and super scared. I know i will pull myself back real real soon, because i have to, for the pass 5 days, i was not as focus as i wanted to be. The time factor, the speed i am going, all the worries i have is swallowing me man.

Yup it is my worries that is hindering me, i am thinking too much, go on my own pace, just focus, clarify doubts, and make myself feel emotionally and mentally prepared for A lvl!!

Everything will be over soon, just put in the best effort, I believe everything will be fine.

JIA YOU!!!

Nae Nae

2009-09-01T23:25:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is my grandma death anniversary.
Two years already.
Of course I still miss her.
Miss the way she speak, walk, they way she cares for us.
Miss her presence.
I also have to accept the fact that,
As years goes by, the image of her in my memory,
Becomes blur, vague....
I thought that it might not happen so quickly.
The fact is that her image becomes blurer this year as compared to the last.
But Thank God, the love and warmth she gave me, is still so strong.

Thank You Nae Nae

Rejoice!

2009-08-27T02:54:00.000-07:00

I was listening to the radio this morning.
And something struck me alot, the radio was actually telling a short fiction story.
About a man, blaming anything and everything to God when bad things occurs in him.
One day God still wanted to help him out in, and yet the man was still complaining that God treat him badly.( I have forgotten the details of the story but.....)
What struck me was the moral of the story. It was trying to tell us, have a change of perspectives in the things happening in our life. Rejoice in the things happening in our life, if it is good, be happy. If it is bad stay happy, as it is a chance that God has given us to learn a lesson from it.
After i listened to the moral behind the story, I realise that it is closely related to the Lord's teachings.
"Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentleness be know to all men. The Lord is at hand."-Phil 4:4-5
"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. "-1 Thess 5: 16-18

Through the moral of that story, it somehow gave me one more reason, one more understanding behind the Lord's teaching. I am still learning to let go pessimistic viewpoint on the downs in my life. But I thank God for giving me this reminder to trust in him and Rejoice!

3 more papers to go! And prelim is over!!! As for the results erm....we shall see....

Lack . Abundance!

2009-08-24T21:16:00.000-07:00

I do have a lack of knowledge and skills for my upcoming challenge.

But I do have a abundance of dilligence, strength and fighting spirit!

Eventhough some seems to be depleting quickly,

but thank God that he is always with me providing

me with the courage i need.

Fear not! For i know that in him nothing is impossible!

Just put on your faith and face the challenge bravely!

ALL THE WAY!

Current status:

Halfway through my prelims! WOOHOOO!

And I will be prepared for A's! Definitely!

2009-08-17T08:49:00.001-07:00

I know that there are some problems that in my life i am running away from it. The very reason for this action is because I know i cannot do much about these problem. It is impossible to ignore the problem.The only thing that can make me happier is of course to make these problems seems minor in my life by presenting more urgent problems in my life. In additional, trusting the Lord will deliver me from these problem.
As an elder sister, I am really glad to see my bros are now more directed and more mature. Somehow growing too fast? Or maybe i am growing too slowly? Now I am a little lost of how to help or guide them. A good news is that, they are already mature thinkers.There is actually no need to worry too much. It is time that i get to know them in a different manner.
Whatever the case, everyone's speed is different. It does not mean that when you are 40 years old, your thinkings are mature. No no... Well I find that the most important thing is life is to live a happy and truthful life. A life that you are not afraid of the light!
A levels are drawing nearer, pressure that I am facing is greater as well. Seriously speaking I am quite tired of studying in this manner, but i know my break is not now! I am around 3/4 done with my A lvl education, no matter what the results might be, i will just have to do my best! Be diligent and put in my best effort in it. Through this I can already give an A for myself!=D

NO CHIOCE

2009-08-06T08:29:00.000-07:00

haix.... these few days almost every single day i am sleeping with books. Now revising chemisy, is it as if i just started learning organic chemistry like that leh. This really shows how little my chem revision and practice is. Seriously if any one were to come JC pls pls be consistent. If not at the end suffer like crazy!
Yup study study study, stress stress stress, demoralize demoralize demoralize!
Actually suddenly have the urge to blog is becos today Mrs Guna's scolding really motivated me alot. I was really demoralise the whole of today, but Mrs Guan's scolding really did work for me haha. She made me realise that i have no chioce but to work hard and have confidence. Now is really not the time to be demoralize. AND I do not have the chioce to be demoralise! With the teachers guidance and my hardwork, I know things will turn out RIGHT!
Hey guy no matter what must JIA YOU K!!!!

A SINGLISH POSY

2009-07-25T07:49:00.001-07:00

wa.....busy busy busy STUDYING, i think all the books and notes going to bury me liao lar!!! I want to write an singlish post this time cos i suddenly miss writing in singlish! Oopps

HAHA this week did many funny and crazy things!!
Oh oh i donated blood on the 22nd of JULY!!! IN SCHOOL, oh my super happy after i have donated. I dunno why but i just feel super happy and satisfied. All of the girls went to donate blood but then out of the five girls i manage to pass the test and donated my blood. At first i was quite worried that i cant pass the tests cos once a doc tld me that i had mild low blood. I have fulfilled one thing that i really really wished to do!

This month i really super "sotong" and blur, i was thinking maybe is becos my friend named me tako thats why i become more and more blur...LOL...(erm not blaming you guys leh! actually i am getting use to that name liao, but denitely not intro myself to new friends i know as tako lar)

Yesterday also had a adventurous and crazy day! We went to celebrate SQ bdae!!!! It is a long time since the 5 persons meet up! Really miss having fun and going out together! But i think at this period will be quite hard for me to do so le.
Cos....apart from all the blur things i do and the fun i had in this few days, the rest of the days i am in stress and sadness and disappointment! this drives me to a conclusion that before prelims start i really really must build a certain level of confidence in me. If not i think i really cmi for A lvls

The DA VINCI exhibit

2009-06-18T19:14:00.000-07:00

It was a last minute call, for me to go to the Science Centre for the Da Vinci exhibition. It was my mother's Chinese Birthday, and my aunt counldn't get an off day to celebrate with my mum, so we went out to the science centre to look at the exhibit, also to have a break away from my intensive revision.

Well, the successful part of the exhibit was that the layout of the exhibit, tells us the Da Vinci life story in simple and concise form. As the exhibit draws out the main and important events of Leonardo Da Vinci's life. Then slowly you will walk into an area filled with models of his ideas and works that were written in his notebook. His ideas of flying machines, weapons and the human sturcture. They also made the effort to relate his works to the creations in the today's age. At another corner, we will get to see models of his masterpieces, but only two models of the masterpieces are the focus point of that area which is the Last Supper, and the Mona Lisa. There were also videos to explain, why the Last Supper took 3 years to complete, and why is the painting so valuable. Also through Mona Lisa's painting, we will get to see how the lastest technology is able to recover the real colour and features of the paintings. At the end of the exhibition, there was a video screening about te life story of Da Vinci.

Overall, I feel that this exhibition made the effort of making his works easy to understand. I we will get to know what kind of person Leonardo Da Vinci is and what is his style and focus in each and every of his works. To me, he is indeed an creative, logical, visionary and intelligent person at that age. You could see that many of his works were out of the box, and yet they were just logical creations. I did not get to see the real Da Vinici's paintings and works. It did not explain much on what does the features in the painting Mona Lisa represents. Also I did not see the 200plus magapixel camera except on the video. These are somethings that i long to look out for. Maybe is just that my expectations are too high. =P

This is an exhibition to look out for, if you want to get to know why is Leonardo Da Vinci so famous and you will be quite amaze by his works and ideas.

learn to trust and believe in my self

2009-06-12T08:25:00.000-07:00

After a long time, I finally start blogging a post again.

For the past few day, i have been really very demoralize by the grades i am having, the fact is that i am still failing. My confidence level were really down and i just cant get myself to stand up anymore. I feel stupid and useless in my academic progress. Some of the times i feel that maybe i am just stupid and it can never be change for this is me. It really hurts me whenever i admit that i am stupid or useless. This just bring my moral level even lower.

The failures i face in school have really struck my confidence level big time this year. Even when i am playing my favourite sports, i do not have confidence to carry out the decision that i think is rite. I worry too much, i doubt my ability too much, as my results lately shown me that i have no ability at all. I keep questioning myself, am i really that useless, of no ability at all? I really cannot bring myself to that statement. I know there is some potential in me, I have always believe in what i am capable of. But why, what is the reason that i keep failing. I really cannot accept the results that I have after i have put in so much effort in it.

I know that the recent test really affected me alot, i dun understand why too, but if i continue to be so inconfident in what ever i do, my results will definitely be worse. Because of my low self esteem, i cannot entrust myself in doing anything well. This further more makes me feel that i cannot answer or tackle any questions or situations given to me.

INCONFIDENT AND LOW SELF ESTEEM is really what is hindering me from doing well, but it seems that i cannot shake them off, as all along i have accepted myself to be like that and live with it. I know it sounds weird, but now i really have to find ways to gain back my trust in myself, believe and trust i have potential and is capable of doing well, because i have the character to do well eventhough i am not talented. I know my potential is in my character that God has breed in me. I must learn to draw a line between being humble and having inconfidence in oneself.

WE DID IT!

2009-04-20T03:33:00.000-07:00

Ok i am happy! Haha Thank God! Here is the reward of our hard work, the injuries, the tears and pain we have together! Yes!!! Third position for group event Quanshu!!!! Thank you SENIORS AND TEACHERS!!!! Without you guys we will not come this far!!!! Thank GOD!!!!

To Seniors: you guys really display this sentence to the max! "Wushu, a bond that never fades!"

I have secured 2A's in my pocket!

2009-04-09T13:17:00.000-07:00

Thank God! I have secured my A for my project work!
After long hours of waiting finally i got back my PW results. I was quite scared initially, and the feeling was even stronger when i went worry i cant get the A i wanted, i was worried my effort that i put in cant reach there! Whats more i was the last in the roll lar! The last person to get back my results in my class! The wait was super scary.!!! I try to notice, guess how well did my friends and classmates do by looking at their expression. Some looked joyous and some have no expressions! Then one of my PW group members went up to get, wa....he looked expressionless lar. I was like super scared, if he cant an A my chances are slim too! Then i wasnt able to keep myself sitting down there waiting for the results then i went to ask him. I shouted "Oh my congratz!" cos he got an A! Wa.....i was feeling so happy for him, then my other friends in my class also got A the people i ask all got A. I was so happy. Then i cooled down, i was scared again! Oh no if some many people get A is there any more left for me, 20%+ only leh!!! Then Weiling was like in front of me brust into tears suddenly eventhough we havent get back our results. She was so scared that she cried! wa....i was terrified lar. She was like just infront of me and she got an A! i was happy for her, but i was super scared for myself too cos i dunno why i think i gonna get a B.....I was prepared to cover my marks when it is my turn to get my grade! Then Ms diana told me congratz! I stunned then "Ah!!! really!!! where where? where is my name" I was like searching my name from the list and couldn't find haha! At that moment all the memories of PW was like flashed in my mind. I was like recalling how much effort i have put in for this grade A! and i got it ! Thank God. Haha i was so happy that tears came down and i went to hug weiling! Haha i recall the fights, the one man job, the PW marathon in september holidays, the lunch we have together the tears i had for it, the sleepless nights, all the guidance God and teachers gave me, the tactics i needa think to settle things peacefully! Wa......phew it is over! Haha thank GOD!!!!! Ms Diana, My group members! THANK YOU!!!!

Break Down

2009-03-25T06:45:00.000-07:00

Fear and stress seem to overwhelm me these few days, i just can't get rid of these feelings. Eventhough i am resting now or even when i am watching my favourite television programme, i am frowning away. What is the thing that i am so stress about? Wushu, Studies, the walk with God?Or am i simply angry about being so useless at times? What is the thing that i cannot let go? I really could not figure out. I realise that i have been blindly following some of my plans without focusing what the ultimate goal is. Whats more, i am tired yet suffering from insomnia. Yesterday was the second time i cant get to sleep. It was worse yesterday, my eyes were shut but i am fully aware that i was not sleeping, and on i go for my physic blocs. Today's training i nearly break down into tears, many are getting sick and competition is starting next wed. J1's are still not up to mood for competition, plus they are still not in shape. I really wish that we can get a medal, i want wushu to work as a team. But what is going on, i cannot move the team at all. Again, putting more and more responsibility to myself. No wonder i feel that my shoulders are getting heavier eah day. How to descirbe my feeling now, cant breath...stuffy...stress...overwhelmed...??? No matter what, if i am going to carry things out with thess feelings i will never be able to work things out. I will just stuck at that corner and banging all the walls around me.
I feel like letting everything go for now, clear my mind, set my goals and priorities once more. Others can manage so can i! Moreover i have the Lord with me. Days ahead will be much taxing and more problems will come in. Vivian Yeo! Jia you, recharge and move on!

This is the month

2009-03-20T04:46:00.000-07:00

As what i have expected last year, indeed this month of march and april will be the worse stage of J2. I have my competition coming in april 3!!!! Is like 2 weeks from now!!! The bad news is my sword is really not up to standard. Indeed i should be true to myself, i really wish to win a medal for sword, and i really cherish this year's competition, for this might be the last year that i am competing for wushu. That is the reason why i push myself so hard for it. However, i really don't see any improvement in myself. My training is not efficient at all. Why?
What's worse, next week is my block test! Who don't wish to do well for the subjects you like. I defintely want to, so i really study every single day, again it is not efficient. The more is study the more i am scared and the more i get confuse, the more i get confuse the more inefficient my revision becomes. (faint) What is this........
The worse out of all!!!!! I have not been doing my quiet time! The Lord knows, this few days i have been praying that the Lord will give me strength and stamina to continue this study anf training marathon. But i am not spending time with him!
So......why i suddenly blog about this???
haha, actually for those who might not know, i have been training and studying everyday without break(except sleeping at night and eating meals) for my march holidays. But things are getting more and more inefficient, and many of my classmates and friends told, wait i scold me for not resting enough. They say i look like a panda, drug addict, lifeless, tired, zombie....and many more. Nvm, i go back home my mother and brother also say the same thing. After so much of scolding, of cos i should do some reflection.
Now i realise that my main problem is not exactly on not enough rest, but the method i approach things. For example the way i study, before i can get my concept and foundations right, i want to take the shortcut and do all the difficult and non structured qns!!!! Let's use an metaphor; Just like an ox don't want to walk one big round to get to the other side of the hill, and want to take the short cut by using the head and banging on the hill to create a tunnel to pass through the hill.
This not only spend a lot of time but also waste a lot of energy.....so is quite a stupid act.....=P
So now, i know the problem, but i dunno how to solve it!!! Oh well, i believe solution will come soon! =P
Thank God!!!!!!
The Chinese teacher still kept the wushu photo!!!! I have been praying that i could retrieve the photos back for a long time! Thank God! Thanks Ms Sim!!!!!

Numb

2009-02-19T07:33:00.000-08:00

Wahahaha.....my blog is DEAD!!! haha ok i am crazy now.....
Well these days are just too busy until i am totally exhausted man! Haha oh my, and you know what i am totally lost in my studies again! But these few days i have been trying my very very best to get back on track. I really hope that by next week i will be all ready for the upcoming topics. (Which is a little hard to attain?!?) So i must start PLANNING!!!!
Well apart from all the stress and work i have to do this week i recieve quite a number of good news! First is that my CCA Wushu has a total of 12 J1s wahooo!!! ok it doesn't seems alot i know but is better than the miserable 2 last year...O_o...Next i that i got in to the finals for YJ's Talentime Competition! Woooo THANK GOD!!!!!I am super contented that i can get in to the finals, but seriously i have not thought of what to sing for the finals. No matter what i just hope that i will not have flu on the finals too! Wish me luck guys!

"Perservere must finish it's work, so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:4

Am i using the work around me to numb the pain in my heart once again?

Cleaning . New Year Reso

2009-01-04T19:31:00.001-08:00

Phew....finally some time of rest from all the packing and cleaning and washing and....ai ya house chores lar! And you know what the cleaning up is not done yet! The spring cleaning this time is massive!!! we thrown away alot alot and ALOT of rubbish!!!! and gave away alot alot and ALOT of stuff....but.....our house still have alot alot and ALOT of things!!!! wa.....
i really didnt know my house have so many stuff lar, is super lots lo.....and the corners of my house is super dirty! Come to think of it we have been cleaning our house for almost 2-3 weeks!!! My house is still very messy man!!!!
I realise something too, my aunties who came to my house and work as domestic really know how to hide stuff. We have the new pots and plates that is kept for many years, and we are still using the chipped or old pots and plates!!!! haha ok i think i should stop all these crap haha, but seriously i am still cleaning up my house lo.....T-T tired and sian already.....

ok it is alittle late but... 2009 has arrived! when it was still 2008 i was telling myself 2009 will a year filled with challengers for me. Because just in 2008 alone there is already a number of setbacks for me. So 2009 will have even more setbacks!!! I mean this is what i expect. so...
New Year Reso 1: Be Focus! ( That needs traning)
New Year Reso 2: Be Positive! (quite hard for me leh)
New Year Reso 3: Be Diligent!
All these not only refers to my studies, it also refers to my spiritual walk with God in 2009 and the problems i may face in my family.
(ok quite weird eh......expecting so many problem in 2009 and new year reso 2 is be positive???) Haha just entrust everything to the Lord!

No matter what may all have a Blessed 2009!!! Stay Happy and Joyous throughout!

DESARU!!!!

2008-12-28T03:06:00.001-08:00

Wooohoooo!!! I am back in Singapore!!!! Back from where??? Back from Desaru Malaysia!!!! Come to think of it the trip was actually quite sudden. I was planned like around 3 days before i go for Junior Camp!!!!(21st-24th Dec) That was the first time my whole family went out for Holiday overseas!!!! We gave our 1st time to Malaysia!!!! Oh my goodness...haha it was really fun i tell you. We went to the fruit farm there, and gain a little more knowledge about fruit. whats more we ate alot of fruits there. Hahaha.... I slept alot too.....=P Eventhough it was just a 2 day 1 night trip. But it was worth it man....
I dunno whether this will be the first and last time my family is going overseas, but well everthing went well this time!!! Nothing bad happen, at least haha....Thank God for this and everything!!!!

After this trip i felt a little more refresh and rejuvanate!!! hope that i am ready for 2009 and for the Lord!!! i wish that i can baptise at the next baptism. Pray for me!!!!!

(Fig a) Hey comments is this nicer or

(Fig B) this???

Haha the goat is peeing in front of everyone!!!

Hey look up there are passion fruits!!!

My brother went to Hong Kong alrdy!

2008-12-01T20:18:00.000-08:00

Yesterday went to Changi Airport Terminal 3!!!! oh my is like a ......shoping centre in and airport!!!!! Haha my mum say i havent seen the real beauty of that airport yet, well i think more surprises will come on the 4th when my brother come back from Hong Kong!
Taling about my brother....he really do not know how to spend his money lo.....he spend near to !1000 Hong Kong $ on lao puo bing!!!!!!!!! what the hack.....it was just the very very first day leh.....my goodness i wonder how is he going to handle his money for the rest of the day...i think he will broke in this manner....alamak....
Anw he bought so many lao puo bing is to go it to our relatives...haha it is also good lar! Most importantly is that he is safe and enjoying himself there!
I seriously wonder if my family have a chance to go for a holiday this year....there is no problem with anyone of us the problem is ........

Last day of WAP

2008-11-29T07:58:00.000-08:00

Today is the last day of WAP, quite sad about it haha. I really enjoyed the time over there. The people there are super nice and fun! The working environment there is quite relax, maybe is becos we are attach there only and not really working like siao! Will i gonna miss them, and i bet they are going to miss us too! haha well i think the three of us really did a good job! So let me conculde what i have learnt throughout this programme. hmm....1 sentence: The meaningless and insignificant labour work here is an exchange of meaningful and significant laughter and joy from the elderly and children!
Indeed we did alot of labour work! admin work, cleaning, database, telemarketing, serving food, audio, designing, interacting, distributing food and flyers, visitation, flag day, shopping,...haha alot lar!!! The worse is doing the database....copy paste copy paste until siao!!!!! the best was visitation and being a trainer in Eunos primary! haha it was tiring but FUN! I thank people at yong en always made the time there fun and carefree...=P Coming to Yong En also fulfil one of my wish to serve the needies, which is comething that i really wanted to do but just dream and no action! i will still be wokring together with Auntie victoria on the 13 dec for a kids camp! Hope that things will turn out will!

Will i think my life is as messy as my house.....ok my house should be consider neater! Seriously it is to the extend that i dunno how to pack it up! These days i cant stand the house being so untidy, so i am trying to pack up little by little at weird timings!...I was thinking maybe is because my life is messy now and dunno where to start packing, so do the wrong things at the worng time. Well maybe i am using packing my house as a method to release this stupid fustration. .............Seriously the feeling i am having one is a messy feeling!

Flag day

2008-11-26T08:50:00.000-08:00

Todays job at Yong -En is flag day haha! We went to Novena and Toa Pah Yoh, and quite alot of weird things happened. Firstly i went to ask a property agent whether she want to donate some money, after donations she ask if i want her namecard. Then i stunned cos i dunno she is a property agent at first. Then she say, if you need any part time job or want to buy or sell you houses can contact her o.O. My mind was blank but i was quite delighted that maybe in the future i can call her up for job oppurtunity if she still rmb me. Then the second weird thing that happen to me during flag day was that got one lady ask me about the details to where the funds will go. As usual i said the it will be use to help elderly suffering from demetial and the needy children. Then the lady ask"why nobody want to take care of them har?". I said that the children have to work for a living and some of the elderly live alone. Before i finish the sentence she said"All in all is resposibility. Please do not do this to your parents, i dont care if you went out dancing or with anyone, remeber to take care of your parents! Do this flag day not for the points but for the passion of it." I replied that i am under work attachment. Then she say"I don't care, just don't do it for the sake that it is an attachment but the passion and responsibility." I was like...ok...i will of course,i was thinking without any doubt i will definitely take care of my parents! then she added on "I am not saying you are doing anything wrong, you are doing fine girl, keep it up!" .....wa....when she left i was like staring in space and blur lar. Alamak....What a day.
Today's flag day was different for the other flag days i did. I really go all out for this flag day, for i am working there, and i know that the money is for who and who will be benefiting from it. Indeed, this gave me more confidence and trust which made me go all out for the flag day today!
Haha Thanks GOD!

messy . days at yong-en

2008-11-22T07:40:00.000-08:00

Many many things has been happening around me, all these things made my parents especially my mother very very exhuasted. But i really do not know how to help her what i can give them is my fullest support and fullest concern. My life my be messy now, but then i start to find time for the Lord, I am really glad that i did that. I believe things will get better very soon, and i hope that the things will really get better. My mother is a very strong women, i believe she can stand up very soon. I will continue to pray for her, and that the Lord may renew her strength each day.

It is time for me to break out of all my agony and sadness already. So let me share something happy! haha, i got promoted!!! after all my pray and hardwork! Finally, i did not retain, but i must admit that there is still alot of work to catch up cos my results is not satisfactory. I know next year will be a super challenging year for me!!! yap! so must really prepare myself well =P. Now i am having a work attachment at yong-en care centre. I can say that this is a wish fulfilled for me! Working at yong-en is really quite tiring. From taking care of elderly to young children, from admin work to cleaning!?! and from planning for activities to bread distribution to one room flats! I have always wanted to give a helping hand for the people in need. When i see their thankful smile and laughter, indeed i felt very glad for them and very satisfied with myself. At least by all these simple actions and insignificant work, we are able to deliver happiness and peace to people. This process is quite fascinating! Seriously i enjoyed the time working in the care centre and the elderly suffering from demential are really very cute and friendly. This really made me wonder the days when they were still healthy, what kind of people are they? Were they as friendly and cheerful as they are now?

Oh yar something quite freaky happened to me today!!! Last night i dreamt of one of my secondary school classmate, and on the way to work today i saw someone that look very similar to him!!! ok that was really freaky...

hoping for cheerful days ahead!
may the Lord be grab hold of our hands tightly.

escaping from busy life

2008-11-09T08:05:00.000-08:00

It has been a long time since i blogged. Days have been busy, everyday, never ending, and now i can say i am sick and tired of being busy.
Today was the last day of my grandfather's funeral, my heart was once again filled with grief and agony. I forced myself to stay strong, and smile so that people around me will feel better. Not only me but everyone in the family is doing so. I can say it is a tiring thing to do. For two consecutive years, i lost my grandparents. last year, my grandmother who i respected the most and is the one who loves me the most, now is grandfather, i am not that close compare to my grandmother, but deep inside my heart i fully respected him. For two consecutive years, i have the same experience of grief and heartache. A part that contributes to this pain is due to regret, i regret for being so busy, which makes me neglected their presence most of the time. My grandfather does not live with me, which makes it easier for me to do so. I regreted for being such a fool for not spending much time with him this year.
This year during sunday school, i learnt that 忙之所以这个写法，因为只要你忙起来心就会渐渐死亡。(busy could leads your heart to death. At first i thought that the Lord is speaking to me about my spiritual life only, i admit this year i failed to follow the Lord wholeheartedly,i became weaker and did not mature spiritually. I never knew that there is a second meaning to it, until now. The Lord wants to tell me that my busy schedule did not only drift my heart away from Him alone, but the people around me that the Lord given to me, my grandfather. Now, i lost my grandfather forever. I do not know how long i need to recover from this pain, but i do not want to make the same mistake anymore.
Now, i do not like to be busy anymore, but i know that this is something that i cannot escape from my JC life. IRONY! I made this mistake twice in my life, i do not want this to happen anymore. I know by my own strength alone i cannot and will never be able to escape from this state, but i will pray and together with the Lord i will be able to do it. In Him nothing is impossible.
I made this mistake for my life until now, so please do not make the same mistake that i did. Spend time with your family and the Lord. If busy is the thing that is hindering you, pray.

JIA YOU

2008-10-10T05:00:00.000-07:00

One more paper left on monday and my promos is over. After today's physic paper, seriously i am really sad, i totally do not know how to do the paper. During the paper i was really scared and thought through alot of things. For this paper i think i will really get a low U grade, no matter what the paper is over, seriously no use thinking about it anymore. Hopes promoting seems dim, but i will still trust in the Lord and pray about it. I believe that whatever outcome comes out it might well for me, so i should take it as a motivation and not a failure. Haha i still remember the adam khoo motivation camp, erm...there is no failure in life but learning experience. Something like that, eventhough JC life is constant stress and failures to me, but it is ok, I never regret coming to JC, partly is because of my class (102 rox! The best class i ever been!) and i might continue in JC even if i retain i think. What i can say is that, at least i did my best.
I told my parents to mentally prepared, haha it actually hurts when i tell them that esp at this time where family foundation is so weak, but i just feel like telling them haha. OK everything will be over after Mon last paper which is Chemistry Paper 3. Wish me luck guys! pray for me! haha i believe the Lord will lead the way for me!
Tuesda will be a holiday for me! i think i will not start my preparation for OP on that day, i deserve a rest after so much stress i had. Sadly Wednesday school resumes, and start chionging for Alevel Chinese and OP le! Oh Goodness! haha =P
Don't be shock if you see me in J1 next year!

Anyway thanks for giving me the encouragement and support i need during my preparation for examination, eventhough havent over but i really appreciate your help!
-my sec friends esp Hui Hui, SokLei, Hasyir, Kang Jing
-the whole of 102 every single one of you man, you all really gave me great great great help
-Teachers! you guys are great, and my tutor Mr Ho, haha eventhough not very close =P But thanks for your patience
-Mummy! and my brothers! even though everytime suan me and advice me to retain haha erm my father somehow haha i know he is worried...=P thanks for the warmth! needed that!
-Lastly HE who renewed my strength every single day!

i dun dare say out personally but I LOVE YOUGUYS MAN! YOU GUYS ROX!

actually alot of things i want to do
1. i cant wait to start reading Jericho haha
2. read all four gospels before 20 oct...o.O is it even possible!
3. watch Galileo (shen tan jia li lue) a super nice show that uses physic to solve crimes!
4. a show which i prevent myself from watching which is ming zhong zhu ding wo ai ni
5. many more

Reflection

2008-09-20T08:17:00.000-07:00

Some bad things that is happening around me this week!
1) i havent been doing my quiet time!
2) i broke my specs!!!! argh....now wearing contacts lens
3) i can't find back the same model of specs!
4) i lost my pen that i just bought
5) my time management is super bad now a days leading to (6)
6) lack of confidence throughout the week
7) i complain alot this week, also did alot of reflection
8) super lots of family matters that i can do nothing about it
9) i am still failing my maths and science!!!

Some good things that happened this week!
1) Thank God for answering my prayer for my PW! Love you Lord!
2) did alot of reflection, now i finally slotted out my thoughts
(special thanks to Lord, Mummy, Hui Hui, Sok Lei, Joan, Lijing, Wee Chow....cos all of your commentsand words helped my to stand up again this time!)
3) able to sleep a little more
4) able to stay awake in most of the lessons
5) manage to spare 1hour in this week toplay BASKETBALL!
6) my brother is studying for his Nlvl's ok actually he started long ago liao
....

I think thats it...ok quite a weird week i had, lots of weird stuff come popping in front of me until i dunno how to react. But seriously JC life really will test your perseverance and capabilities. Time management is something that this college is training the students. One day 24 hours, is not enough for everyone, but even if the time is extended will it be enough? actually i think no matter how long the time is extended we will still long for a longer time period. So lets stop thinking about having extra time but stop wasting the time we have and produce the best and the shortest time!

It is not just in school, in the society there will also be many datelines to fulfill. You will feel as if time and work is contorling you. Do not let it control you but contorl the time and work load. Once to let go time management, you life will be a mess. Therefore Ecc 3:1 "There is a time for everything, a season for every activity under heaven" (NIV). I believe God place all things at that time for a prupose, and i believe and trust that eveything will go well if i place my total trust in him.

Now it is time to face all the bad things and accept it, rejoice on the good things that have happen around me and move on!!!!

over

2008-09-12T08:23:00.000-07:00

Oh my goodness the day that i have been watiting for!!! submission ofthe WR!!!! HURRAY...special thanks to my tutors Ms Diana and my team members, Joan, Cheng Yong, Wee Chow and also Chee Yong who offered your laptop to us for a day! it really help us alot man! THANKS TO ALL!!!But most importantly is the THANK GOD!!!

Actually i am not very haapy and satisfied with everything today all things is just so not right! I cried and emo for the rest of the day today. Not just that i even got a lecture from my mum and i prayed. Finally i sort out my thinking, i have worked so hard, the group is moving and working this is one great responsibility that the group have held throughout this journey, and oral presentation is coming we have to face it.

Everything will be fine for we have gave our A attitude towards this WR. Finally i have convince myself some how but my heart is still not at eased. At least i feel better in the afternoon.

problems

2008-09-04T07:49:00.000-07:00

When bad things come , they really come all at once, seriously i dunno how long i can survive in this JC life. things are complicated here, even though i experience more complicated stuff before but it is really tiring for it is not just one problem but many. I dunno whether it is just me or wat, even though all these are making me crazy i still feel that i can do it. I feel that i have the capabilites to pull all these problems through. For now only two members performing for AMK hub anniversary this saturday. I am new and not trained well, thats why everyone is worried about me. Even so, i believe i can do it, so this performance will be a good one. There is no way we can back out for we can't.
Many things happening in my house with my school work and all. It is tiring, and i havent have the time to study for promos yet.
No matter how painful and terrible the situation is, i will just think about the day when i conquer all these problems. Not with my strength but the power that my Lord has given me. That day will be a day that i will be able to glorify him. Also i will gain a great sense of achievement.
I dunno whether this decision to carry on with two people performing is wat the Lord wanted, no matter wat i still pray that the Lord will give me strength to make this performance a good one and that this is the right decision to make.

Missing you

2008-08-29T18:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday met up with sec friends, we had alot of fun and laughter while talking about our secondary school life. I bet that everyone miss that life in Naval Base. Every time i hear the sounds of the construction from the original Naval Base Sec location, i don't know why but i feel that our memories of Naval Base will be erase from the memorise on the earth and it is up to us to keep it by holding on to these memories and never forget about it. I miss my sec sch.
another person that i miss the most is my grandma,her death anniversary is coming, and i really want to go see her again, maybe one of the reason is to retrieve back the very first reason that i have chosen that JC route and also i want to feel that she had been with me all along. Everytime i see her i will somehow gain back confidence and motivation for i know very well what she expect of me and the family. It is sad that the rest of my relatives did not treat the death anniversary seriously, but they have a point there, we can go any other time. To three of us and my mum, we feels that that day is sig. for that is the day where nae nae dead and reminds me of the mistake i have done also is the day that i lose my beloved nae nae for she have gone to heaven and receive the joy she long wanted from God. I respect every ones thinking.
But it really hurts and disturbs me when my mum says being a Christian is not good, for people do not respect all these days and replace other days for it. She points that this is the very reason why our family is not very bonded together for these are the occasions that the family comes together. I mean who don't want that, but there is nothing got to do with christian. I know this is not the first time my mum say this but no matter how much i counter her at the end she still feels that way. She gave me that feeling that she feel our religion is not as good as hers. This is worrying for this might show that she might not convert to a christian in the future. This also hurts me for i feel bad or maybe it is the love to my Lord which make me feel this way. I really hope someone will give me a direction.

The Lord's Strength

2008-08-13T05:18:00.000-07:00

Somehow i am really disappointed by the way i handle things. Especially the way i handle my time for God. I really feel guilty for not spending enough time reading the word of God, but at the same then the stress and worry that the school work and stuff has given me made me just spill the idea of taking sometime out for God naturally. Maybe i am using the my own strenght to do God's work and not using the Lord's strength. I really should start looking into the way i handle and settle things and really use the strength that the Lord has given to tackle prblems.

Promos is coming and things are also piling up just 33 days later i will be sitting in the hall and writing words on to the question paper. Prior to this, my written report! My heart really broke when i got back the written report 2, i know it is totally nt well done but the only ME we got turn out to be an AE which means all AE for my WR!!!!! That really trash me down to the ground real hard man. At that moment i felt a great sense of lost and fear...cos i really need an A for pw and in this rate i can say bye bye to it. But the weird thing is i still have faith in this group, and i think that this faith in me is the thing that kept me going all the way until now. Really just hope that the group will not disappoint me once again. If this really happens i think that i have no strength or energy to stand up anymore. God have been gracious to me to give me the strength i need for my schoolwork and stuffs. But if the group is not carry on moving i really don't know how it will affect me...

No matter what just pray for me

ITS AUGUST ALREADY!!!!

2008-08-06T06:11:00.000-07:00

Haha....my goodness i have not been updating my blog!!!! For....hmm...one month plus already...haha no wonder you guyssay it is turning into a dead blog!
But seriously i have been deadly busy these days....home work....Just for U prog for maths, physic, whats more on more is coming up CHEM!!!!.....i going dead man....still have tuition have to practice Wushu for NDP the celebration this coming friday!!! Then next will be AMK hub performance! ok i will be super exhausted for the rest of the month until the end of nov!....
HAHA more stress coming up, promos coming.....project work datelines pressing on us..... Everyday go back home at around 10 plus.....then still have the face that whole pile of homework....wow all these are driving me nuts!

Haha but of cos eventhough there are so many school work pressing me i am still ok with it, thanks to the support my friends and family gave me these days! Really love you guys!

Just an update on the happenings in the month of July....and i can tell you that the month of July is a birthday month:
- My grandfather's bdae
- my mum's bdae
- Siqi bdae
- Adeline my niece who is also call siqi bdae
- Wei Ling Kah Hwa Pei Ting and Kenny's bdae

Phew....and i really thank God that none of my work clashes in the celebration eventhough i was deadly busy last month and i will be more exhuasted this month...i dont dare to think about the next month man.....

Haix....and i also balme the work load whic cause me unable to DONATE BLOOD once again!!!!!!oh my goodness i missed the second time!!!! next year i MUST MUST MUST DONATE!!!!! So i must keep my schedule clear and keep myself healthy MOST IMPORTANLY DUN EAT ANTIBIOTICS!!!!! by doing all that nothing can prevent me from donating blood.... HAHAHAHA

Reflection for this week

2008-06-27T07:11:00.000-07:00

Yeah finally the toturing days of block test finaly ended...but i bet there is more to come oh gosh....

The stupidest thing i done this week....i rmb once i was rushing home so that i can study...while i was waiting for the traffic....i huge lorry which was so big and tall and the driver was like driving so FAST that he nearly go pass the red light...ok but he did not...however he blocked my view of the traffic light.....and i do not know whether i can cross the juction of not.....and i have to jump ard and finally see the green man blinking and run across the road....

haha for my block test....i think i really did badly...i see somelight in econs as for the rest....MATHS esp i spent so much time on maths and at the end i cant do the paper...then my class feel that maths paper is easy oh no......next CHEM....this is the first time eva i feel that i totally dont understand chem, when i was doing my last minute revision i totally feel the chem is a stranger to me! Serious that feeling was so scary in additional i am alone at home that time! i nearly went nutz! when i reach school and saw my classmates and ask them to help me clarify my doubts that is when my fear of chem slowly fading away!but as time pass the stress and fear overwhelmed me again! That is the first time i am so scared about my exams....this feeling is totally scary man....i am not going to make the same mistakes again...i am going to clarify my doubts EARLY! cos that feelings is crazy!!!
The finally physic!!! actually i want to Thank God that lots of defination came out for physic...but i regreted not practicing qns for this paper cos i dunno how to do alot of qns....Goodness i dunno whether i can pull thru this time or not...but i definately can conculde one thing! For this block test, i worry too much and do too less! It is time to change, worrying will really affect your thinking and performance. So people dont learn from me....just dont worry and move ahead!

went to the polyclinic again

2008-06-16T09:00:00.000-07:00

oh my! my hand swollen AGAIN! dunno why the swell come back...but it is indeed pain....T-T...haix and then i went to the polyclinic just now...and this time the docter gave me a stronger antibiotics, oilment and medicine for swell and itch....
somehow broke my record on the number of times going to the polyclinic.....within teo months i step in to the polyclinic three times!....first is to get my malaria pills in the ployclinic then i went to Cambodia....visit the doctor there....came back to Singapore visit the doctor in the poly clinic, two weeks later....go back to the polyclinic clinic and face another doctor....oh my....Just have to continue praying for the swell to go away...T-T

days without my aunty!!!

2008-06-09T10:14:00.000-07:00

Just gotten lecture by my father yesterday for not doing the housework chores properly, oh my the whole family is quite pissed by him cos he is the one that is not doing any of the house work these three days and he still have the face to come lecture us on our performance on the house chores.... and he was so so fierce yesterday lar....but then we have been serve by maid for the past 17 years of my life....of cos we need some time to adjust to the thing rite....and some more my brothers really did a great job in the house chores lar even Timothy was doing the laundry that time....haix when will my fahter learn to say praises...haix got scolding for nothing...

oh my so many things to catch up....argh...i cannot fail my test again if not i will retain! haha

oh yar i am so glad that i have did my quiet time today, the Lord really speak to me today...really i should start learning to accept myself as he have accepted me a long long time ago! SO VIVIAN HAVE MORE CONFIDENCE WITH YOURSELF! haha since the Lord has accepted me so there is no reason notaccepting myself...some more the Lord created me to be like this....eventhough there is room for improvement but do not self reject....ok i am not making much sense....yesterday the church annouce that there will be a baptism service on the 20 of july....i kept thinking...am i ready for it?

something wrong with myself

2008-06-07T23:54:00.000-07:00

Oh my time flies!!!! ok i think every one feels the same way...T-T my aunty (maid) went back home le....miss her alot man....haha lucky my brother, wilson was being so diligent in the household chores this few days...so i can slack a little....=P oh well it is time to grow up and settle house chores and studies together!
Haha today my mum received a msg from my aunty from philippines, she said she miss us terribly and wished us good health and everything...oh my goodness the thing is that she said she cried over there.....no wonder that day the farewell party she was so moody and didnt want to talk much....i think the reason why she is so moody is that she didnt bear to leave us....seriously the whole family miss her presence too....hope that she will be doing well over there!

After i return back from my cambodia trip....i think i just cannot stop eating! really scared that i will start to grow fat sooner or later if i continue to eat like this....is like after the meal an hour later i am hungry again and have to get something to eat then later super hungry again and rush for the next meal....wat is wrong with me....and weird thing is if i am hungry and try to control myself not to stuff food in my mouth i will have headache.....something must be very wrong!

oh well.....haha finally my holidays started but all will be burn for my mid year exam when sch reopens...i dunno why no matter how much i study i just cannot pass! what is wrong....

haha ok i think i will upload my photos taken in cambodia at my facebook or friendster tml, just too tired today to continue...haha ok take care then!

surprise surprise

2008-05-17T11:30:00.000-07:00

eh...why is there cake today?
Early BDAE CELEBRATION!!??!!

Oh thank you so much mum and dad! Love ya!!!

eh...

eh this year too ealry liao...and i cut the cake until blur liao...so... haha yup

Haha going off to Changi airport in another 3 hours time....i will surely miss my family when i am there...i was quite sad when i knew that i am not able to celebrate my real brithday with my family this year...but i know that it is not the day that is important but the point that my family members remeber my brithday! Thanks alot...esp to my mum....

Do not worry

2008-05-16T02:29:00.000-07:00

Wa...a month since i blog already!!! wow... that was fast!!!!
Anw i am going to Cambodia soon!...very soon 18 sun....i am indeed very excited about the trip but at the same time very worried. Just even before i go to Cambodia for CIP, my Dad, my mum, even my two brothers fall sick...and my mum complained that this all started from my father as he refused to visit the doctor at first when he fell sick...but for today i can see that all of them is recovering already...
Unexpectedly my father met an accident today in the afternoon. This is not the first time he met an accident but when i saw his leg being bandaged and just cant stop worrying....haix... I kept thinking is it the right time for me to leave Singapore?
Then it is my project work that i am worried about, my group will be down with three people doing the job when the ocip team members are away, and plus there will be block test and the teachers are rushing through the syllabus....argh time constriants again!!!!
OH MY!!!! the 15 days away i am sure going to miss my family and my friends!!!! esp my secondary school friends!!! i havent been seeing them....T-T

But as what i have learnt in sunday schools, the Lord will even take care of the birds in the earth, so more over he will take care my family and friends!!!

haha so pls take care of yourself pls...i will sure pray for you over there

Thank You MY Nae Nae

2008-04-11T18:31:00.000-07:00

Everytime when i things around me reminds me that she is already not with me...I just couldn't prevent myself from this overwhelming feeling of lost and sadness....
if she was around...if she know that these days i have been training till late hours in school for my wushu competition....she will surely nag at me or scold me or may even going to the extend to complain to my teacher and principle for not allowing me to go home....cos that is what happen once in sec school when my girl guides ended later then expected...she nearly went to school to complain...
If she was still around....knowing that i wanted to go cambodia for OCIP....she will grab my hands and pull me to her room...talk to me...for hours about her bitter experience in her life...then pray together that the Lord will look after me there...that was what happen when I wanted to go mountain clmbing at gunong stong in malaysia when i was sec 2
If she was around...knowing that i am studying till late at night...she will either bring in a cup of herbal tea and nag at me to go to bed...or even scold me directly which made me have to be force to bed...then when she is asleep i slowly creep out of my bed and try to finish my work...that was what happen in my sec school life also....

i know she knows what is happening in my life...and she is now in a better place compared to the world i am living in now...

but...
I miss her....alot more than any words can descirbe...
people reading this post....if you have anyone in your life that nags at you...scold you...or even do silly things for you...please cherish these moments when they nag at you or scold you and cherish them...as these are the moments that you will never forget....

Do YOU Think YOu can COPE???

2008-03-28T17:59:00.000-07:00

haha these few days had been very busy lar...and now i cannot catch up with my work lo....haix...sad...i dunno why i am so weak in all these subjects that i like...but luckily the teachers here are kind enuff to teach me until i get the gist of the concept...haha but it is only the gist...i still have alot of revisions to do T-T...

But i must really manage my time well...cos wushu competition is coming...it is in 15 april, and i have yet to learn one more item that i am competing in...the good news is that i am competing in a group event so i will not be so nervous on that day. But the training for these few weeks will surely be a very tough one. Just like last wednesday i reach home at 7.45pm.But anw the training was fun...but this time is a little bit more serious only. Further more ...tml saturday...have training(as expected), but the thing that made my day to be so pack is actually going for the maths trail held in NUS My friend needed a replacement, and i agreed without putting much tot into it. So this will be my routine tml, morning go for maths trail then afternoon come back to school for wushu training after that go church for the debrief... Then when i told my father about the routine just now...i tot everything will be fine after that...i was totally wrong...after i said my words,i suddenly felt a sense of anger coming form my father...then i was like "ouh oh..." He then voice out his opinion with a very scary and firm voice," I had already asked you before, do you think you can cope, you made your day so pack..."

I dunno why but this time his words really got into my brains...before that the OCIP cambodia trip he also told me to think about my time management...and my response was that my dad just don't understand the importance of these activities...but at the end he let me go for it... After i achieved wat i wanted i just totally ignored his advice...

This few days i was rushing my tutorials and assignments without proper management...and stayed up late at night to finish up wat is need to be done...and i even slept in front of the computer...and i am aware that this is totally unhealthy. Now i am also very worried for my academic progress as some of the basic qns for "a lvls" i also could not answer...So wat am i doing about it to improve my studies...nothing at all just kept putting lots and lots of activities in my way to get more time to study and do research...indeed activities are good...but i once again got too engross with all these activities and neglected my studies and more importantly the time with God...

It is really time to learn how to say NO!!!
O God please guide me...

Exhuasted!

2008-03-17T05:33:00.000-07:00

Dunno why today so exhuasted, when i was eating dinner just now i was like sleeping lar...then i dropped my bowl and it smashed onto the floor...haix dunno why so tired today...and then today have so many home work lar...wa must chiong liao...T-T my honeymoon period is over liao...
And today the school just release the project work theme lar...and i am totally blank! i dun have any ideas lar...
wa...very tired...but must jia you!!!

updating

2008-03-13T01:08:00.000-07:00

Seriously i dunno how long i can continue to update me blog so frequently but never mind just try my best haha...well my mum say that my aunty will be leaving in may and not june...haix...i will surely miss her lar...actually amongst all the helpers that we had i think my grandma dotes her the most lo...and i think her had already stayed with us near to five years le...oh no...our house had been so depended on her in all the house chores already..haha hope that i we will all be alrite without her...

Nothing much happened today actually, went to school for lessons then have lunch at north point with my jc classmates haha...then go back to school again for cca(wushu)...as usual it was quite fun but tiring...and my knee hurts!and i remembered one more shocking news! The teacher in charge of my cca put my name in for the competition...and i still haven't master anything yet...argh...scary....worst still the competition is at april...ar how!!!!haha there is nothing i can do but to train harder and pray!
=P

shocking news!

2008-03-10T12:56:00.000-07:00

lol shocking news!!!ok the first news is........well i am selected for my school's cambodia CIP trip...haha yah i have a chance to travel, to plan...and go over the sea haha...but the sad part is that it clashes with my birthday...so i either have to celebrate it earlier or later...ok the next shocking news is that my aunty have a boyfriend!and heard that it is of a different race as her, Haha no wonder she want to go back to her country so egarly...hmmm....maybe she will get married soon haha, well not bad lar now that she had completed her studies i bet she will soon have a bright future....maybe next time i will be working for her leh haha....well actually i still have a no. of weird news one but dunno why just cannot rmb it now...haha maybe next time!

Sch/Class outing!

2008-03-06T21:19:00.000-08:00

Wooo! today we had a class outing plan by the school...our class decided to go ECP for roller blading...at first i was still quite worried as it was raining heavily this morning...haha thank God it stop raining in the afternoon when we went there...=P roller blading was FUN!!! haha but i am one of the people who fell down the most lar..but atleast i know how to walk with blades!!! ok actually i still cannot contorl cause i dunno how to stop =P haha...but yeah i finally know how to walk in blades woohooo!!! haha hope that the next time i blade i will be better=P...
wa....sad my march holiday is gone...first three days got to go back for brigding lessons becos i failed my maths test!!! Then not just tatstill got remedial!!!haix..but lucky on hui2 bday i only have one lesson hmm i really wonder wat to do for her lol...

POstinG ResulT

2008-02-19T18:00:00.000-08:00

Today i got back my posting result! i was posted to yj as expected....thanks for the jae people we have orientation for 3days, which means no lectures and tutorials for 3 days!!!!Better still after the orientation we will be having a very slack timetable with lots of breaks for around one or two weeks! Then the stress will come in once again....haha actually i totally cannot catch with my work but thank God i have my classmates to help me out...hope that i will catch up before the slack timetable comes out cos they will still be teaching during that time!
haha i was thinking of changing my cca, while i have been saying this for quite a long time but i still havent decide yet! Haix...so weird of me...while my brother tell me to join tennis, i find it quite ok cause i dunno how to play tennis so i am learning a new skill rite???!!!??? While i will just pray about it...
Oh yar our church youth camp is coming soon, eventhough it is just 2d1n but i am quite excited about this camp...but i feel so ashame that i am not helping much for this camp...haha no matter wat have fun guys! Hope that all of you got in to the c\school that you wanna go!

JUST SMILE!

2008-02-08T01:24:00.001-08:00

Why do i need such a long time to realise that this is the most beautitful ang bao packet i have ever recieve?

HAPPI CNY!

2008-02-06T05:43:00.000-08:00

Happy New YEar every one!!!!Haha surprisingly i never go to school today i wonder how is the test? But never mind...conculsion for this year CNY eve armostphere is boring...not as busy as before...and every one seems to be so tired...i dunno just hope that tml will be better!
Well we have STEAMBOAT for today, and i am really very full now...hehe so how is your reunion dinner with your family today...
To me i like eating steamboat during reunion dinner, well the reason is becos when we eat steamboat we will surely take an hour or so...and the family get to sit down and enjoy eating together and laugh together at the dining table for this long period of time!haha isn't it great...so why not take your time to eat your reunion dinner then rush to finish your food in the restaurant outside...well this is how i feel!So how is your reunion dinner?

CNY...=P plus today

2008-02-05T06:27:00.000-08:00

I CUT HAIR ALREADY!!! haha ok i just trim my hair...haha and i think that it looks better then my messy hair in the past at least it is neater...=P
CNY is coming very very soon around another 48hrs....???But i feel that this years CNY will be quite bad....haix...dun say le...
Today we just went to celebrate hui yu's bdae!!!haha we bought donut as a sub of a bdae cake...well i think that she is quite surprise to see us...well it is a sad thing that we never take pictures...hy hope that you will like the presents...haix now one think is that i dunno whether shuld i go to school tml leh is the eve of CNY leh i shuld be staying at home one lar,but my parents also working...haix overall i really dun feel good in this year's CNY...is like celebrating and not celebrating...ai yo pls tell me wat to do....???

FACE IT!

2008-01-28T07:18:00.000-08:00

I have not been doing my quiet time for the past few days, haix...anw in my house nothing happen and nothing improved, well there is one thing to be happy about is that i finally get back my O lvl result haha i totally no need to worry about it le...because after this will be a next phase of my life and this is the same to every who got back your O lvl results too! We might be not satisfied with our results well just take this as another learning point! What is done is done, so we just have to face the mistakes that i have made and prevent from doing the same old mistake again...so JIA YOU! May God bless every single one of us in our coming challenges that he will give us the strenght and wisdom to conquer these challenges!

peace?pain?

2008-01-23T08:50:00.001-08:00

Today is my Grandma's birthday...i miss her alot...i really do...but when i went to the tomb...i felt nothing...i really do not know why...but indeed i could felt peace over there. Is it because i felt nothing therefore there is peace or i know that now she is far away from all the pain and sorrows.
Now i really have no energy left to even care about their stuff, eventhough i know things are getting worse but i can do nothing. Although there is no quarrels or all those stuff but i really can feel the slow and painful torture. I start to question...is this home?
Haix tml getting result le...God bless!

Helpless

2007-12-08T23:20:00.000-08:00

My heart is overwhelm by terror,fear and grief...No matter how i try to stay happy,but the problem still lies there i just cannot escape from it but to face it...indeed i wish that i could help solve the problem... but i really find myself useless in this situation...I really beginning to think that there is no use doing anything, i just have to wait for the results...Lord tell me what to do to get out of this misery...i really do not want to witness seperation...it will hurt everyone...Pls help me, I worried and scared and yet i can do nothing, when i see her tearing my heart feel so painful, i am really exhuasted too...what can i do...

Just smile!

2007-12-06T04:50:00.000-08:00

Yay! tml going to hotel stay for two days! haha i dun know how it will be...well...haha just smile...

After this week is back to work again. Well actually I had not finish wat i need to do erm...i manage to clean a small part of my room...half way through Ecc ppt( actually i am doing at a very very slow speed. I really wonder can i finish on time?)...and clean my shoes...Oh i still have one more slippers to handle i think i have to push that back...i am trying to design a slippers and i dunno whether it will turn out right...never mind i will just give it a try! Hmmm...oh i havent finish reading the books i borrowed! ok there is still lots of thing not done...but i think i will start doing after my hotel stay with my family!

Erm....nothing much happened today...Just that i finally bought my brother's present, and tml i will start seeking for more presents...

Talking about work...I really did not expect myself to get so tired and bored and sometimes so stressed up in my job! Well you see i am only selling uniform in a small company, and i thought that everything will just go on easy and somehow carefree! But it was not what i thought it would be, you see no matter what work you do once you are working you just have to face difficulties with customers, and when i make careless mistake i will affect other people in the company. So i really have to be very alert! And i got to speed up on everything i do, it is tiring for me because i am not a very fast person...i am slow in every action, well this is a great trianing to make me react faster! Hope to see more positive changes in me haha...

Starting a new blog

2007-12-05T16:10:00.000-08:00

finally it s done my new blog! Ahaha, well currently working in a uniform company, so may not have alot of time to blog but hope that everything goes well in work as well as everthing...haha...